Sometimes its not until you find yourself in the most difficult circumstances that you discover a dormant strength within and your unlikely “help line” who extends an arm, a shoulder or an ear in your vulnerable state. Surprise! So often, its not who you would have predicted when standing on the sidelines in calm waters and no you don’t necessarily react in the same way you thought you would have.
Fact: There are times when even the most private person has two options. Share what they’re dealing with to avoid it from overwhelming them, or opt to keep it to themself, simmer on it and watch as it potentially rocks them into a very public unraveling by way of multiple things falling apart. We are indeed our own heroes and sheroes but there comes a point in time when we have to take the superhero cape off and admit that we are not designed to “always handle it all on our own”. And that’s okay. It does not mean that you’re weak, ironically it means you’re brave enough and wise enough to know when you are almost at your max and not too proud to admit it.
There is the rock, the hard place and the quicksand in between. The road to self-discovery in either place will bring you at times to tears when you hit a point where you feel yourself sinking in the thought that “no, you’re not so perfect”, and “whoever that person was who acted outside of your normal character is an imposter disguised as you”…but up close it is you, and you cringe at the thought that you failed yourself. The reflection screams “imperfect”, a voice whispers: “but perfect is not what you were not meant to be”. In the struggle of this middle passage you are lead to acknowledge the power of your own voice as it talks you into climbing out of the and taps you with a little wisdom on when to dial down on that harsh voice of criticism we like to feed ourselves at all the wrong times. We can indeed be our own worst enemy. Enough already.
Life at times squeezes so tightly that you’re forced to be more transparent than you’ve ever been because you need to be. And you begin to heal in sharing. In venting. From the absent judgement and ever present unconditional which somehow says its okay. You’ll be okay. You’ve taken away the power from the skeleton in the closet and showed life that you are bold enough to face the truth of it all. Then it reinforces that what others think or say about you is really not your business. Your focus is on processing LIFE and connecting the dots along The Way. Even in your darkest moment, there is light. There is a blessing and a miracle and a lesson for your soul plus one or two more. The fullness of the moment carries with it a promise to reveal itself at a set time and at a later date. In time the madness and chaos makes more sense and we embrace the experience as the needed preparation for a time we did not know then.
Today, I am simply thankful for ears and eyes that mean me well. Thankful for friendships of all kinds. Grateful for the keeper of our conversations who allow me to speak openly in confidence without prefacing each sentiment with “please don’t repeat this, but…”. How exhausting is it to be shaky in your trust of the listener and limp on the hope that your friendship may be important enough for them to hold the next word spoken, when they haven’t held the ‘news’ of others? My most rich exchanges are not in titled friendships or only found in the company of those I have known the longest, but rather in human connections where we share openly and touch each others lives by removing the veil and divulging what’s really going on. Our struggles. Our fears. Our insecurities. Our failures. Our dreams and our most embarrassing moments. From these encounters we find how alike and powerful we really are.
In the deposits and withdrawals from authentic connections are the miracles we seek. The blend of a variety stirs our soul.