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Water Cooler Convo: Social Media Stalking

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On tap this week:  Where is the line drawn between e-connecting and e-stalking?

A girl meets a guy through mutual friends and in that moment they don’t exchange contact information. A couple weeks later she looks him up on Facebook and sends him a message saying a quick hello. Is she displaying stalking tendencies? The jury is still out.

Inspired by the weekend events, a few friends and I found ourselves deliberating the subject of stalking. Functioning in the era of social media, a world that offers a plethora of ways friend, foe or stranger can reach out to you, we wondered where is the line drawn that separates being mildly friendly from gently stalking.

So I reached out to a few guys I know for a little insight into how they would interpret her actions if they were the receiver. Would they consider her a Facebook stalker? The responses ranged anywhere from no, to depending on what she looked like, to this happens to me often, to yes – and if I wanted to continue the conversation and remain in contact I would have asked for her details. So another question is, even with our communication being heavily influenced by social media are we {women} still to function in a more traditional communication style? Is a female to wait for the male to do the approaching {an innocent hello}? Or is it an equal playing field where either girl or guy can initiate the e-connect?

Like a few other areas in life, when we’re locked into tradition of “the way things should be because that’s the way they have been” our first thought may be to leave the next move up to the guy involved. Weren’t we taught that prince charming peeps his stunning princess,  gets her digits, pops his collar at the mission accomplished, courts her some, they get hitched and they ride off into the sunset in Bora Bora? {Something like that}.

As I type this I’m on a harbour cruise around the Toronto islands where a female just walked up to the guy beside me, asked him if he and I are together and when he responds no, she grabs him by the hand…”Okay you’re gonna dance with me”. The uber shy soul typing this smiles on the inside. I would hyperventilate at the thought of having to approach a guy and give kudos to all the fab femmes I see initiating the exchange with a prince who catches their eye and are less reluctant to wait for the ship to come sailing in. Instead they take the risk to go out to meet it and let the chips fall wherever they may. Takes guts, I say. In the words of one of the fiercest women I know “This is what grown women do”.

While I think one day impulse will have me surprise myself and I’ll get to that point where censoring my words and actions will take a back seat, the message is quite clear: let go of ideas restricting us to the way things should be, stop over thinking our next steps, brave up and follow our gut. Just live.  As Dear Abe tells us: “…get everyone else out of the equation…stop asking everyone what they think”. Let’s be honest, intuition hasn’t failed us yet. Step forward when it nudges you to…and wait when it tells you to. Don’t forget patience is also our very dear friend.


Author: kayjames

Born Kiesha Natalie James, she writes under the pseudonym Clarke James and presently lives in Toronto, Canada. She is the author of "I Have A Question...Sprinkles of What My Mother & Life Have Taught Me" and her passion for empowering others through writing has lead her to become a guest blogger for Twenty20Something.org - one of the nation's premier leadership development organizations for young women. Additionally she has written for Curvy Magazine and J’Adore Magazine. Follow her on twitter @clarkej and on her personal blog at warmnotes.wordpress.com.

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